Missing D'Jarum

Forgive my absence. I've been away from my laptop for one reason; laziness.

For reasons I cannot comprehend, I've been avoiding doing what I love the most; writing. Today is one of those days I'd usually be in front of my PC, coffee in hand, and tons of ideas pouring out of me. 

Not today.

Today the sky is gray, the wind is blowing slowly but steady, it seems that it's going to rain, and my heart is aching. I miss having a cigarette between my lips. I quit smoking almost a month and a half ago, and I did it because I couldn't live like that anymore; smoking my way out of trouble, trying to solve things with the smokey flavor of cloves between a black wrap. The brand D'Jarum had become my best friend in time of need when I didn't want to pick the phone up to call someone. The old man at the smoke shop knew me, and always had a pack ready for me to buy. But it wasn't the smoke that I wanted, it was a solution that I desperately needed. I was trying to fix something that didn't wanted to be fixed. It was like trying to fight, swimming in the ocean, knowing any moment now I'll drown, but after a long battle, the ocean won and I drowned. Funny thing was, drowning was not the end of it. My body would float eventually, I will be discovered, and the world will know the truth.

But was it really the ocean that drowned me, or that did I just gave up too soon?

 

Wanting a new kind of life

When I was a child I used to think of being someone else just for fun. I pretended to be a princess trying to escape the inferno I was living in, and that someday I was going to be free. Other days I pretended to be in another part of the world, living in the one in my head and that no one could hurt me. Funny thing was that every time I pretended to be someone else, I kind of believe that someday it might come true, cause I never liked myself. Even growing up I wish to be somewhere else, living a different life than the one I was in. Probably a phase every teenager goes through, I thought. Turning 18 and moving away from home to college was the best thing that what was going to happen to me, I told myself. But no. It didn't. I did turn 18 and I did moved away from home to share a room with two sisters who were as different as oil and vinegar. College was so liberal and even when I knew I had the greatest opportunity to get an education in the most prestigious college in the island, my heart was not in to it. I didn't want to study something that wasn't making me happy.

Hell, I didn't knew what I wanted to study. I took advice from everyone I knew and made a few more mistakes, just because of it. I took classes on nursing, business administration, natural sciences, and a few others. I even graduated from basic cosmetology and made a good amount of money in one year, in a small room my husband and my mother helped me built. I had fun and I was my own boss. But not even then I wasn't completely satisfied with the life I had. There was something in me that wanted to get out and I had no idea how to communicate it with the friends I had. Even my family had no idea what I really wanted to do with my life. I wanted to write, and I wanted to expose my feelings,
and all my dreams into the world, in my own words.

Now that I have the opportunity to write what I want, I do it. I have finish the first book I ever wanted to publish and as of now I'm waiting to get an agent to make it a reality. In the mean time I continue to write and develop all the ideas that are stuck in my head, waiting to be read.

I still want a new kind of life. A life where I can be an Author instead of a new writer, and to be recognize not on how many books I have sell, but on how my stories have grown on the readers and how much they love them. Even blogging has become a new way for me to express what I have inside. And I kind of like it.

Wanting another kind of life is not that bad. If it is to make things better, than it would be worth it.

Returning from Hell

It's been more than a month since my last post. I must say I'm not proud, since writing is part of my life, but circumstances in my life had make it difficult for me to write.

As off Today, I'm back home and no longer working in the real world. I'm back from hell, and I literary mean hell. It only lasted merely a month, but that is exactly the time I could endure it. Been extra patience allowed me to get through the shifts but at the end my body was responding against it. I needed to resign. Simple as that.

Do I regret the decision to take the job? Absolutely. I had another interview the same day, but the opportunity to be a manager blinded me, and I took it without knowing the consequences that I had to endure with the other employees who didn't wanted me there, period.  As a new employee is hard to get along with the rest of the crew, but been introduced as the new manager to employees who were starving for a position was like a shower of bullets for them.

I needed the job but I need my sanity more, and that place was taking my very last ounce of it. Now I feel somehow like a failure for not been able to prove the kind of lider I know I am, but at the same time I wasn't happy. Getting out of bed to go to work was taking the best of me, and I knew the feeling too well. I don't regret the decision to resign, but more the decision of taking something I wasn't prepare for.

I know better things would come. In the mean time I will continue with my writing. Perhaps I will be able to start the second book on the series of The Last One. 'Doubt' is still waiting to be pick by a agent, and I'm still sending out queries. I know I will land an agent, even if it takes a whole year to achieve. 

Love rocks !!!
Shameyn...

Practice makes perfection.

In every column I have ever read about writing, and the art of it, they all say the same thing; Writing is the key towards perfection. You won't get anywhere if you don't write. Is not just having a great idea for a story and then leave it somewhere in you computer, hidden in a folder. You have to put your butt in the chair and write. Write a little. Write a lot. Simply write. A page a day in a year is 365 pages.

Fear of been rejected? J.K Rowling was rejected dozens of times; Stephenie Meyer was also rejected, many times before they actually gave her a contract. They said she will never get anywhere with a love story between a vampire and a human… Guess who's laughing now?

Every writer I know has started somewhere with a great idea, and after is been written, and they have attempted to publish it they have been rejected as well. But that never stopped them; in fact that is what made them stronger. Practice is a requirement towards everything in life. If you don't practice you won't get better. So what if I suck at first??? I will continue writing until I don't suck anymore…So please, don't judge me if you haven't read anything I have written

Seeking Reviewers !!

Is hard to create a story you want everyone to enjoy, but is harder to hear what will they think of it. Is a though world out there and someone must do it. I have been editing my book 'Doubt' for a month now, and out of 50 chapters I'm down to 10 until is finally done and ready.

Here is the thing..

I need a few good friends who can take a little of their time, and read the first two chapters of my book. Is around 21 pages, and it wont take you more than an hour. If you want to help me out, I need only two things from you..

1.. Send me an email at shameyn79@hotmail.com  with what format you will prefer, Adobe or Words.

2.. Follow my fan page on Facebook - 'The Last One'- and post your small review there.

If you are up for it, let me know.. You might be surprised with my style of writing, but then again I'm only starting, and I have so much to learn. Still, give me a chance. You never know.
Keep in mind, my story haven't seeing the hands of a proffesional editor, yet.

I will wait for those emails..
Lots of love
Shameyn..

Another goal reached.

January is almost gone and I have reached another goal of mine. My office !! I have always dreamed of having my own personal space where I can shout and cry without anyone looking funny at me. That's how usually I am when writing. Can't help it, that is just who I am. I feel every emotion of my characters, and sometimes I put myself in their position. Maybe I'm not the only writer who does this. Maybe I'm crazy and in need of some serious help. Nah.. All I need is some strong coffee, loud music and the words will flow.

As I was saying...

This post was written on my laptop, on the new desk I bought from Ikea, and I couldn't be any more proud of myself for making this dream possible. It may sound stupid to you, buying a desk and a chair, but to me is a small achievement and within my small budget, I got what I wanted. I have always put  things on hold just for the lack of enthusiasm but last year I decided to change and things are finally going in the direction I want. This year many thing will come, and in my heart I know 'Doubt' will be publish. Until that day comes, I will continue considering myself as a simple writer with a great imagination.

Well, my coffe has gone cold and my book needs some more editing. I hope everyone has a great week.
Shameyn..

New Year !!!

Welcome 2012 !!

Last year had its pros and cons.. I had reached must of my goals.
"Doubt" is now a complete manuscript, I made a book fan page on Facebook and never I've expected to have so many followers. This blog was also one of my goals, and thankfully you're reading from it. I have meet new people and some old friends have come back into my life. For each one of them, I will be forever grateful.

I hope everyone had a great New Years eve, and whatever happened in the past, will stayed there. 2012 is a whole new journey and we should all make the best of it. Let us do, what we didn't or couldn't, and let us work hard for what we want. Set yourself a goal, work for it and achieve it.

There is no substitute for victory. You either reach for it and grab it or not.